Are you in your life or Waiting for it to Start?

              Your life is happening right now and you have an unknown expiration date. Humans can easily get sidetracked from the present to living in either the past or the future, both of which don’t exist. Not really.

              It is admirable to plan and work for the future. I hope you have one. The risk is that you are sacrificing today’s joy in the hope for a better tomorrow. American values dictate that success is partially defined by external achievements. This is quantified in material things, power, and prestige. Our wonderful country encourages all, from the advantaged to the destitute, to work hard and make a better tomorrow. This is done by working harder than your neighbor, your competitor, and your friends. The promise of future reward for current sacrifice is commendable, but like most things, it can be overcooked.

              Allow me to share an analogous anecdote. A young American travels to Central America and meets a fisherman. They talk and the American learns that he fishes five days per week, when the weather allows, and brings home just enough to support his small house, small family, and modest lifestyle. The American questions his new friend why he doesn’t choose to work seven days per week, ten hour days, for just one year. Then he could save money, buy a second boat, and hire another fisherman to work for him. Working this way, he could have a fleet of fishing boats in ten years and have enough money to retire and do as he pleases. The fisherman smiles and responds, “That would be nice. Then I could come and fish on my boat five days per week like I always wanted to.”

              Not only can we get stuck on the hamster wheel of working for tomorrow, we can also buy into the fallacy of, “If only X…. I would be happy.” This can sound like, “Once the kids get out of diapers, things will slow down and I will have some ‘me time.’” “If I keep pushing, sooner or later I will get that promotion and then I will have it made.” “If I lost twenty pounds, I would love my body again.” It seems that the goalpost always moves and we end up chasing happiness instead of being in the now and finding happiness.

              In the same way we can live in the future, we can sulk in the past. Regret can live in a loop in our head and consume the present moment. Pivoting is an adaptive skill that requires courage and resilience. If we choose the wrong path, sometimes we settle and keep going. But not without resentment. It can be easier to stick with the devil you know than backtrack or take a new path.

              Further, many of us continue to carry our pain from prior tribulations. Trauma can follow us throughout life until we finally deal with it. Finding healing through counseling for prior trauma can release you from being weighed down by the past. It can feel like shrugging off a weighted blanket that has been draped over your shoulders. Seeking healing is taking back control of your life. Your therapist, if she is clever, will have you consider whether you are a victim of your circumstances or the author of your own book.

              Not only will your therapist point out when you are living in the past or the future, but she will guide you to take advantage of the present. Carpe diem. This includes being intentional about doing things every day and week that make you happy. But it also means practicing gratitude.

              Cliché as this phrase may have become, practicing gratitude shifts your mindset to the present. Instead of just bemoaning the past or desiring the future, it is paramount to appreciate what you have today. The weather, your health, the love of a puppy, the freedom you have to design your own destiny. We often compare up, being envious of those with more money, youth, good looks, or good luck. Part of gratitude is also comparing down. Being grateful you are not in a war-torn country. Even though you don’t feel like going to work, at least you have a job. Being glad if you live relatively pain-free. Often we don’t see our blessings until they are gone.

              Your therapist should be reminding you that the past no longer exists and the future is not promised. What are you doing right now to live your life fully?

Feel better, y’all!