I often sit across from patients who are incredibly hard on themselves and have no idea what they’re capable of. As a therapist, my first step is not to convince him otherwise but to understand where this came from. The answer is often childhood. Whether you had an idyllic childhood or a traumatic one, we all get a little messed up in our childhood. Of course, to varying degrees. If your father was a violent alcoholic, you might have grown up walking on eggshell

Think your therapist is going to convince you that you should love yourself as you are? NOT THIS ONE! I want you to become a person you respect and love. When you sit across from me in session and tell me you hate yourself, I’m not going to argue with you. I’m going to sit with you and figure out how to get back on track! Poor self-esteem is a common presenting concern in therapy. You may think your therapist will ask you to look in the mirror and say “you are b

Many times patients wonder what their therapist is analyzing about their speech or behavior. Am I bouncing my leg and that means I have ADHD? Am I avoiding eye contact and that lends itself toward low self-esteem? Let me share one characteristic we do look for that has some relevance to therapy work. Are you on the extremes with your comfort level with human attention? As with many human characteristics, the degree to which you are comfortable with social attention lies on a

Depressed? You aren’t alone. 1 in 13 Americans will have a depressive episode this year. 1 in 5 of us at some point in our lives. So how will talking to a therapist help? First of all, DEPRESSED PEOPLE! You are the reason we went into this profession. If most therapists were to condense their passion for mental health treatment into a sentence, it might be: to help people be happy. WARNING: This article is long. REASON: Therapists use far more angles to treat depression than

Therapists are quick to say, what is normal anyway? We are reassuring our patients that there is significant variability in humans and encouraging people to not judge their symptoms or circumstances by comparing their problems to others. This level of judgment is counterproductive. Rather, we implore our clients to be curious about their issues. We want them to join us in investigating further, not feeling shame for having their problem. That being said, therapi

If your car broke down, how many people could you call for help without feeling guilty? Not acquaintances. Not Facebook friends. How many would jump out of bed at a momen’ts notice and not be annoyed? Take a second and see how long your list of reliable loved ones is. We live in a sea of acquaintances. How many close connections do you have? A personal belief of mine, working with people in therapy for over 15 years, is that regardless of what a client’s presenting concern i

After a smile and a handshake, my job as a therapist starts out by asking what the problem is. What are we working with here? Next comes the context. Would you be surprised to know that your therapist might be asking herself if you are part of the problem? Conceptualizing our patient’s concerns within the context of their life requires us to ask ourselves what caused/is causing the problem and what is perpetuating it. If it sounds derogatory to ask if you are th

Feel free to be offended reading this initially. But stay with me, folks! The vast majority of patients are desperate to get better. But regularly we get others that are less committed to making changes and more interested in venting, processing (with little intention to make changes out of session), or just seeking validation. This is not a bad thing! Most individuals hold the answers to their problems already. I need to break up with my partner, I have to leave my job, I sh

Does my therapist think I’m crazy? The short answer is: no. We understand the complexity of the human condition. We have all seen the variety of ailments that can afflict a human. From meeting with thousands of people to discuss their most personal issues, I can affirm: everyone has their own battles to fight. Part of the human experience is to deal with hardship. No one is immune, but not everyone seeks healing. To become a therapist is to learn that most behavior makes sen