What Does My Therapist Think of Me? Am I Just Another Patient?

Does my therapist think I’m crazy? The short answer is: no. We understand the complexity of the human condition. We have all seen the variety of ailments that can afflict a human. From meeting with thousands of people to discuss their most personal issues, I can affirm: everyone has their own battles to fight. Part of the human experience is to deal with hardship. No one is immune, but not everyone seeks healing.

To become a therapist is to learn that most behavior makes sense if you go back far enough and understand the person’s lived experience. The young man who now hates himself dealt with traumatic bullying in school. The woman who stays in an abusive relationship saw no different in her own home of origin and has not been told that she is worthy of being treated differently. The girl who cuts herself is dealing with emotional pain that is going unseen by her parents. I could go on and on.

This includes socially reprehensible behavior, as well. Racism, bullying, hate, addiction, self-injury. Taken at face value, all of us can judge harshly, but if you learn of the originating wound you might grow to recognize that the outcome was inevitable. Having this bird’s eye view of the trajectory that led them to where they are today allows your therapist to potentially repair, re-story, and re-understand the circumstances. Sitting with people’s ugly and painful parts of themselves is necessary to have any chance to grow and change.

So no, we don’t think our patients are crazy. I would say stuck. We try not to judge but seek to understand. Your therapist is looking for your story, not looking only at your wounds.

As a therapist meeting a new patient, I often see the fear in their eyes. “Can I trust him?” “Is he judging me?” “Will I be too much for him?” I still haven’t found the universal method to impart to my new patients that they can own the space. I will ask questions and they can refuse to answer. They aren’t supposed to know what to say. I see early connection and calming the patient as an integral therapist skill. If you don’t have that, you might not get to any meaningful work, regardless of how good of a therapist you are.

Have you ever wondered if your therapist likes you? Or are you just another client? Wanting to be liked, whether acknowledged by the client or not, is normal. Moreover it can actually have merit to process why you might be interested in your therapist’s feelings toward you. Therapists know that we can’t do any therapeutic work if there isn’t a relationship between the therapist and client. This relationship creates a safe space wherein the client can feel vulnerable and exposed. This vulnerability is intimate and often leads to greater feelings than just that of a therapeutic working relationship. For some, this level of intimacy is foreign and potentially confusing. Know that if you want your therapist to like you, or you have recognized that you are more fond of your therapist than you expected, this is standard fare.  

Although these feelings are to be expected, your therapist will get squirmy if you ask them! It is our job to protect the integrity of the professional relationship so as not to do harm. If a therapist breaches professional boundaries, he is not doing you a favor. In fact, he complicates the therapeutic space for you. It’s best we remain neutral, warm, and compassionate and not affectionate in our demeanor or dialogue with a patient. Just remember that your therapist withholding confirmation of his affection for you is in your best interest. But also be assured that we went into the helping profession because we want to care for others. We want you to feel better. If we didn’t care for our clients, we would not have gone into this field. We know that our unique relationship as a therapist can be more impactful for you than just being your friend.

With regard to the vulnerability within the therapeutic space, you must give yourself credit for taking the risk of seeking therapy. Sitting down with a stranger and talking about the most personal parts of yourself, prior trauma, and current pain is very difficult. I believe that those who embark on healing through counseling are brave, although too many feel that their issues expose their weakness. On the contrary, avoiding our problems is the path of the timid.

Additionally, many barriers exist to seeking therapy, including fear of embarrassment, stigma, and cultural misunderstanding about what therapy is and who it is for. Another common belief that keeps many from mental health care is believing “I’m not that bad”. “I’m not that sick” or “Crazy people go to therapy. I’m just struggling with normal life problems.” I’d compare this argument to someone thinking that they should not go to their primary care doctor for the flu when there are people with cancer, heart disease, and diabetes that are sicker than you. We should care for our mental health the same way we care for our physical health. If you are experiencing pain, you are allowed to treat it, even if there are others with more serious pain. Additionally, similar to medical diagnoses, when we catch it early, we often have a better prognosis. If you have already taken this step, consider yourself courageous. If you are just thinking about it, I give you permission to get help (and maybe a bit of a nudge).